I tell myself I’m not letting go of my dreams, just setting them aside for now in the quest for something more stable. I will get back to them eventually; when I have the time, energy and capital to do so. It’s a mad dash but I’ll do it.
But who knows when I’d actually come back to it? I might be settling into the daily grind and deluding myself just by thinking of the future that’s always out of my immediate grasp.
Maybe it’s a way of coping, an escapism of sorts. I’ll be able to put up with the challenges now for a brighter future. Here’s where my thoughts begin to diverge: The selfish part of me craves for success. Maybe it’ll be assured if I put my mind and work hard for it. The altruistic me is more practical, drawing me back from making the impromptu: There’s no guarantee of success. Why give up stability for something volatile?
My motivations are simple and clear. Love what I do and bring in the dough for the family. Not necessarily in that order. So what if I sacrifice the first just to do the second? If my education is already a heavy investment, it’s only right that I return the favour and make enough money to treat my parents well. Is it altruistic of me to give up my dreams in order to achieve that? Maybe it’s just a selfish and altruistic way to live. I’ll sacrifice what I deem necessary to keep the status quo but I’ll never really be able to step outside the comfort zone, to bring myself to fail thanks to the convenient excuse I fed myself – I’m doing this for the greater good.