The idols that I hold dear to me imparted a few wise words today. I wish I could say the weight chipped away and fell off after being reassured. I wish I could tell them my name, my story and my journey.
I think that I get close to self-acceptance but it gets shattered so easily by the most minute occurrences. A bad day, a bad time, even just a slight, is enough to set me off sometimes. I want to claw my way up to the surface so badly, bathe myself in nothing but safe thoughts but it’s extremely hard to stay buoyant. Sometimes I can’t even tell if I’m putting up facades, masks and pretenses just so I could have an easier go of it. Am I really me? Or am I manipulating the situation to put up an image of myself that I’d like people to see?
I can’t love myself if I don’t know if I am myself.
It’s still so much easier to shower someone else with the love that they deserve than putting so much into accepting myself for who I am. After all, I am the monster that I created.
wordsareweightless 